Who Will Save Your Soul
by lowen86
Summary: Bella Swan and Edward Cullen have secrets. Deep, dark, painful ones. Will anyone understand or will they live forever in the dark? Do they dare open up and let in the one person in who could actually save their soul? M for language, angst, and dark themes
1. Prologue: Killing Loneliness

**Who Will Save Your Soul******

Rated MA for language, angst, and dark content. **AU/AH, Bella/Edward.******

A/N - I've personally been through the things Bella and Edward have gone through in this story, and I warn you; it's not pretty. If anyone wants to ask questions, or talk to me about the nature of this story, feel free to do so, and I will answer as best I can. I read a couple of fics recently that put together with my complicated RL at the moment gave me the inspiration.****

Disclaimer - I do not own the characters - a wonderful woman by the name of Stephanie Meyer does. Any and all song titles/lyrics are the property of the lyricists. I only own this version of the characters and the plot.

~~~~~

Prologue - Killing Loneliness.

She leaned against the wall; her forehead sticky, her hands shaking, her heart pounding. She had tried; she had _really _tried this time. She closed her eyes and sighed. A pounding on the door startled her, and she quickly got to her feet."What?" She hoped her voice didn't betray the panic she was feeling.

"Are you ready? Mrs. Cope wants to see you. You haven't forgot, have you?" a small voice near whispered through the door. How could she forget her 'emergency meeting' with Mrs. Cope? She flushed the toilet and ran the tap, hoping the noises would give her a chance to hide her small wash bag away. The last thing she needed today was her roommate finding it. She adjusted her clothes and opened the door. Her roommate looked up at her with concern.

"Are you ok? You don't look well. I can tell her you're sick and not coming..." the dark haired female raised an eyebrow.

"No, I'm fine. I better get going. She'll only come find me and march me there herself." Both women rolled their eyes. They both walked to the end of the corridor leading to the sitting room. "Wait for me here? I'll only be an hour." She asked, fidgeting with her sleeve. She always did that when she needed to hide it. The other woman nodded. She waited while her friend sat down next to her best friends' twin brother before turning on her heel and walking towards Mrs. Cope's office. She sighed at the thought of Mrs. Cope knowing what she'd done; she always knew. Nobody else seemed to. Either that or they knew and didn't say anything, thinking she was a freak. It wouldn't be the first time, and she knew sure as hell that it wouldn't be the last. Taking one last deep breath, she knocked on the door with a shaking hand.

"Come in, Bella" said a voice from inside. She opened the door and walked in.****

**~~~~~**

A/N - Short start, I know. Apologies if there's any mistakes, typing and doing housework simultaneously don't seem to class as multi-tasking...


	2. Chapter 1: Stricken

**Who Will Save Your Soul**

**Rated MA for language, angst, and dark content. AU/AH, Bella/Edward.**

**A/N – I got two emails saying my story had been added to watches – I've sent you both a message, thanks guys :) I've not had any reviews yet – hint hint ;) This chapter is longer than the prologue, I hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own the characters - a wonderful woman by the name of Stephanie Meyer does. Any and all song titles/lyrics are the property of the lyricists. I only own this version of the characters and the plot.**

Chapter 1 – Stricken

As she walked down the hallway, she could hear them. All of them. They were never subtle about what they were saying and they always made sure she heard. She knew they knew she could hear them. Them, and all their bitchy false words.

"Did you hear why she ended up there? It was her fault."

"I know, it's gross, right? I mean come on, her fucking step-dad?!"

"She's sick, is what she is. She's totally fucked up. She deserves to be at that place."

They were the ones who were sick, deep down in her heart she knew that. But that never stopped her head agreeing with them. She walked past the current gossipers as fast as she could without tripping to the nearest girls bathroom. Once locked safely away in a stall, she let the tears come. It was her primary rule; never let anyone see her cry. Ever. She reached down and took her cigarettes and lighter from her coat. They never let her smoke. He was a hypocrite. They both were. She didn't care if she got caught. Part of her wanted to; she wouldn't have to go back to the place they tried to make her call home till later than usual. She twirled the cigarette between her fingers until the tears stopped. She tucked it behind her ear and pulled up her hood. Head down, she left the bathroom. She didn't care if she was found skipping class. Just another reason to stay here as long as possible. It was weird to other people why she liked being at school. School had places to hide, places she could sneak off to so she could have a smoke, school had books, but most importantly; school wasn't 'home'. She walked out the front doors, and ran round the corner to her usual hiding place, tripping over her feet as she ran.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" A pair of hands held her up. She nearly fell. Again. She looked up and saw who the voice belonged to. His name was Edward. Edward Masen, to be precise. She looked down at her feet and blushed.

"I came out here to have a smoke. I'm sorry, I'll leave." He held out an arm to stop her. She looked at him, puzzled. He shook his head.

"No, it's OK. I don't mind the company; I was just surprised to see someone else out here, that's all." He smiled gently at her, offering her his lighter. She took it gratefully, and lit her cigarette. Exhaling slowly, she closed her eyes.

"Thanks." She said quietly, handing the lighter back to him. He smiled again and nodded, putting it in his top coat pocket. Bella decided she liked his smile; it was slightly crooked and reached his eyes, making them shine. They stood in silence until they had both finished their cigarettes. Bella resolved that she felt better now she'd had a smoke. She made to leave as the bell rang for class.

"What have you got now?" Edward asked, his gaze in the direction of the parking lot. He looked at her and raised an eyebrow when she didn't respond. He coughed, startling her.

"W-What? Sorry, I-I-I was... sorry." She flushed furiously, tears forming at the corners. His eyes softened at the sight of her eyes moistening. She blinked, trying to get rid of the wetness. He knelt in front of her.

"I was asking what class you have now," he said quietly, "but if you want to skip this one too, I'll go tell the principal." Her eyes shot open and stared at him.

"No, no, please don't. I'll get in trouble, he'll know I was skipping. He'll t-tell..." She blushed again. He looked at her, puzzlement in his eyes.

"Tell who? What's wrong?" He was getting concerned now. He didn't like seeing anyone cry. He hated crying, period. Crying was weak in his eyes; showing the world how vulnerable you were, he just couldn't do it. She looked at him, and her eyes softened. She saw something in his face that made her feel better, she couldn't place it though. She slumped to the ground, leaning her back against the red brick of the building. She fished around for her cigarettes, cursing on realising she'd left the in the bathroom. Edward pulled out his packet and offered it to her. She took one with a shaky thank-you. He sat on the ground beside her, watching her unevenly exhale. She glanced at him for just a second, then turned her head back to stare at the ground.

"You don't want to be here," she whispered, "you should be inside. I'm sure you have some important party to talk about, or some nerds head to dunk down the toilet or some freak to gossip about or something." She mumbled the last part, silently thinking it would be her he wanted to gossip about. She seemed to be the scandal of the school year so far and it was only October. She sighed.

"Why would I want that?" He enquired, He couldn't understand why this girl couldn't make up her mind whether to cry, blush, or whisper things that made no sense to him. There was something about her, something he couldn't put his finger on. But there was something making him feel...different. She stood up without answering him. He went to stand to hold on to her, he wasn't done talking to her. She ran off before he could stop her. He shuffled his feet, sighing as he ran his hands through his hair. He tried remembering her name as he lit another cigarette. Then suddenly it came to him; Bella Swan. He collapsed back on the grass, putting his arm behind his head to support it. He remembered hearing about her when she started at Forks High the month before. They shared English and before today they'd never shared a word. But that fact didn't prevent him from knowing things about her. He knew she was 16 and that they'd skipped her a grade. She snuck out twice a day to have a smoke, thrice if she had a bad day. She'd only been at Forks High for a month and already was the subject of the Hussy Brigade's gossip. He knew she was hiding something, something big he wagered. She was shy, quiet, a loner. But from what she knew about her from English, she was as book smart as he was. He smiled at the thought of having a literary argument with her. He stubbed out his cigarette as the bell rang and students started to file out the front doors. He walked slowly to his Volvo, hoping he'd catch a glimpse of her leaving. He waited in his car for half an hour after the last students filtered out. Sighing loudly, he started his engine and left the parking lot.

"Edward, honey, are you OK?" He looked up at his mother, her face full of his concern.

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine. Just not hungry. I've got a headache." He mumbled, looking down at his plate. He'd barely touched his dinner, and his head _had_ started to pound sometime between coming home from school and dinner. He uttered his excuses from the table and trudged upstairs to his bedroom.

He collapsed on his bed two hours later, unable to concentrate on studying. Usually he completed his Biology homework at break-neck speed. But tonight, he just couldn't focus. He decided to take a shower; hopefully it would clear his head.

He emerged an hour later, still as fuzzy headed as before. He changed into a clean t-shirt and boxers, smiling at the faded The Who logo on the front; it was his favourite shirt. He dug around in his backpack and pulled out his Ipod. He walked back over to his closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and a hoodie – The Smiths; another favourite of his. He grabbed his jacket and shoes, and walked downstairs, flicking on the outdoor light. He stepped into his shoes and opened the door. One last smoke before bed, he thought. He shook his head at the time; another night of sleep would be eluding him. He lit his cigarette, enjoying the warm smoke filling his lungs. He slipped the earphones in, the sound of Disturbed filling his head. He finished his cigarette and went back upstairs. He unchanged and turned off his Ipod. He laid under his quilt in silence, images of Bella swimming in front if his eyes. After a while, he felt his eyes closing and eventually drifted off to a dreamful sleep.

That night, Edward Cullen dreamt of Bella Swan.

**A/N – So they've met, and noticed each other. Is Bella as observant as Edward, though? Don't forget the not-so-subtle hint in my AN up there ;)**


	3. Chapter 2: Behind These Hazel Eyes

**Who Will Save Your Soul**

**Rated MA for language, angst, and dark content. AU/AH, Bella/Edward.**

**A/N – I think I've been bitten by the fic writing bug! I'm publishing as I finish each chapter, so this will be the second update in as many days! I want to say a big BIG thank-you to ****Edward's-a-beefcake for being my very first ever reviewer – big kisses for you! :) I'm so glad you liked him, and I really hope you like what I've put in this chapter, so I'm dedicating this chapter to you ^_^ I also want to give a shout-out thanks to ****JigsawRose and silver sniper of night – thanks for the wonderful stories you wrote that helped me kick my imagination into gear. If anyone's interested in what those stories are, I'm more than happy to point you in the right direction.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own the characters - a wonderful woman by the name of Stephanie Meyer does. Any and all song titles/lyrics are the property of the lyricists. I only own this version of the characters and the plot.**

Chapter 2 – Behind These Hazel Eyes

She spent the whole evening pacing the floor of her bedroom. Alice still wasn't back yet, and she was getting anxious. She sat on her bed, wringing her hands. She sighed and walked downstairs.

"Peter?" she shuffled her feet nervously. She cautiously sat on the armchair opposite the couch. Peter looked up at her raising an eyebrow.

"What's the matter, Bella?" He got off the couch and kneeled beside the chair. Bella squirmed in her seat uncomfortably chewing her lip. It was a nervous habit she never managed to crack. She figured it wasn't as bad as chewing her nails. She liked her black nail polish too much to chew it off.

"Um... Alice isn't, well, back yet. I'm worried about her." It came out as a whisper. She always worried about her friend, she knew she was safe but it didn't stop her worrying. Alice was more than a sister to her; she saw Alice as a part of her. She always felt more uneasy than usual when Alice wasn't there.

"Alice is fine, Bella. She's with Jasper, she's safe, sweetheart." Peter said soothingly. She nodded.

"I know, I just worry. What are they doing tonight?" She didn't mean to pry and put her nose in where it wasn't worried. "Is she eating at his place? Jasper knows to look after her, doesn't he?" She knew he did, but her and Alice had an unspoken pact. Sisters looked out for each other, kept each other safe. Alice was the elder of the two girls, but Bella felt a maternal need to keep an eye on her. She knew Alice felt the same about her and that was why the two girls were so close. They shared everything; she was the first person Alice told about Jasper, she was the person Alice went to when she wasn't well, she was the person who soothed her when she was sick or had nightmares. Bella knew her and Alice would always be best friends their whole lives: Alice was her family and she was all Bella needed.

"Jasper took Alice to dinner in Port Angeles, she's fine. Jasper is taking good care of her." Peter and Charlotte knew how close Alice and Bella were. It didn't concern them; they knew they needed each other. There was a reason Alice and Bella shared a room, they didn't need to say it but they were there for each other when words didn't even need to be said. The couple knew the two girls wouldn't allow themselves to be separated and found it hard when they were apart. Bella relaxed in the chair as Peter gently patted her hand and stood up. "She's gonna be OK, kiddo, just give her time, 'k? We're here for her and she knows we love her." She nodded. "Charlotte's making dinner, why don't you see if she needs a hand." Bella pulled herself off the chair, she wasn't in the mood to play niceties with Charlotte, she had other things to do, more important things to do but she couldn't think what they were. She shuffled her way into the large kitchen.

Ordinarily if she was alone or if it was just her and Alice then she'd be baking cookies or muffins for breakfast tomorrow. It wasn't that she disliked Charlotte, both her and Peter were lovely people. Unable to have children of their own, Peter and Charlotte opened their home to several teens over the past five years; some stayed a few months until their case worker could find them something of their own, and some stayed with them long term. Bella and Alice were two of the longer-term kids. Alice had been taken in just two short months before Bella. Alice had been found wandering the streets of Seattle, dangerously thin and her short hair matted. Circle-Friends had informed anyone who cared for her that she needed an especially intense diet to bring her weight up, but sadly no-one properly cared for Alice and she found her way back to the city streets with an eating disorder. Then one day Charlotte received a call from the local ER saying they had a teenage girl asking after her. As soon as Charlotte laid eyes on Alice, she knew she had to take care of the fragile little pixie-featured girl in front of her. Bella remembered the day Charlotte had been sitting with her and Alice having what they called a girly afternoon in - Bella still couldn't understand the point of non-fat ice cream – and Charlotte had told the girls about the moment she knew she wanted Alice to live with her and Peter, the look of hope in Alice's eyes that Charlotte just couldn't ignore. Alice treated Charlotte and Peter like the mother and father she never had; her parents abandoned her when she was 11 and she'd been on her own ever since.

Bella startled herself out of her thoughts when she felt a hand on her arm. Charlotte was looking at her, anxiously. Bella blushed when she realised Charlotte had been trying to get her attention.

"Did you want to help me, Bella? If not, maybe you could set the table or get something to drink for the five of us from the fridge?" Bella nodded, muttering under her breath. Five of us meant Jacob Black was bringing his girlfriend Nessie Dwyer over. Bella liked Nessie, but Jacob she could quite happily leave. She shuddered remembering the day she met him; he was all grabby and flirty and she hated him instantaneously. She still avoided him at all costs, which although hadn't gone un-noticed by Peter and Charlotte, it made her life easier so they left the two of them to barely acknowledge each other. She didn't need the trouble boys dragged along wherever they went. She didn't want the sweaty bad-breathed boys who couldn't handle their hormones anywhere near her. She could imagine her mother's voice now...

Bella barely touched her dinner. Jacob was all over Nessie like a rash which she had snorted her disgust at several times. She wished she could just curl up in her bed and read every Friday evening away. Friday was date night for Alice and Jacob. Friday left Bella alone with Peter and Charlotte watching her every move. Friday meant two whole days without school. Friday meant two days without seeing Edward Cullen, the smiley guy with the green eyes that bummed her a smoke and a light when she was stupid enough to lose her pack. She sat up with a jerk; where had that thought come from? Edward Cullen... Bella was thinking of a boy. Bella was thinking h how she liked his smile, how she liked the way his eyes glittered when he did. Bella was thinking about how his smile was crooked at one side, and how he ran a hand though his bronzed auburn hair when he was nervous. She sighed when she remembered the exact shade his green eyes, how there was a slight flake of brown jaggedly running through one of them. She gagged and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the sink before losing what little food she'd eaten that evening. She fell to the floor sobbing. How could she be thinking of a boy? Boys were bad people. Boys wanted and did naughty, naughty things. But it wasn't just boys; what her mother called men did those things too. Bella silently started to cry as she crawled across the bathroom floor to lock the door. She pulled herself to standing and turned on the shower. She took off her converse, setting them in the hollow between the back of the door and the wall. She tested the water before undressing, hissing when she gingerly removed her Nirvana t-shirt. She sighed and ran a finger over the scar on her arm. She would never get his face out of her head for as long as she lived. Before stepping into the shower, she leant down and slid across the loose board of the wooden hamper Peter had made for her.

Bella felt no better after her shower, all she could see were a pair of green eyes. Green eyes that held something hidden from the world, something she understood but yet understood without knowing what that something even was. She was taken out of her musings by her bedroom door creeping open.

"Bells...? You 'wake?" Bella reached over to snap on her bedside lamp. She sat up blinking at the strong light. She'd insisted on it, it was good to read by, but too bright for the rare occasion when she was actually tired.

"You back from avoiding his royal slobberness?" She said bitterly to the dainty figure tiptoeing across the room. "You're lucky. If I have to see him do that stuff one more time, I swear I'm gonna..." Alice giggled when Bella looked confused after spotting the big grin on her friends face

"Jasper loves me, he said so!" She beamed, bouncing on her bed. Bella shook her head; Charlotte would come up and warn them about the noise and Peter's early start and blah blah blah if Alice didn't quieten down. "He told me at dinner tonight, it was amazing, Bella!" Alice sighed, collapsing back on her bed. Bella stared at her friend in wonder. How could she be so happy about a boy? She wasn't that much younger than Alice, so why did she not behave like Alice?

After a good hour of constant bleeping from Alice's phone indicating yet another text message from Jasper Hale, Bella threw back her lilac striped quilt that matched Alice's pink one and took a pair of jeans and her favourite hoodie to the bathroom. She emerged a few minutes later, her head a little clearer and feeling a little less anxious. She snapped her fingers to get the pixies attention as she was now chattering away on the phone to her boy and signalled that she was going outside for a smoke.

She flicked on the light for the back porch and sat on the swing that Peter had installed over the summer. The air was damp and cold but she didn't feel it as she lit her cigarette and relaxed for the first time since she saw Edward Cullen's eyes for the first time today. For the first time since she saw the green orbs that belonged to the boy that broke all her reality of what boys are, her thoughts weren't swimming with panic. As she relaxed erinto the memory she decided she would skip lunch tomorrow so she could use the library's internet to increase her Ipods already bursting collection. She stubbed out the cigarette in the sand filled ceramic container Peter had placed by the swing for her late night smokes. She crept back upstairs and quietly closed the bedroom door. She guessed Alice was already sleeping as she was so silent. She undressed to her worn The Smiths t-shirt she was currently choosing to wear to bed and happily snuggled down under her warm quilt.

For the first night in a long time, Bella was able to sleep without her nightly reoccurrence that was her night-terror flashback.

That night, Bella Swan dreamt of nothing but those hazel coloured eyes that made her feel something her heart was telling her was a good, warm feeling.

**A/N – So our heroin knows there's something different about our hero that makes him different from all the other boys. But what will that something be?**


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